I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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