Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
