when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
