fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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