I'm so fucking centered right now
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
