he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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