Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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