He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
