I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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