I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
