dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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