Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
