Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
