Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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