What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
