nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
