idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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