Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
