I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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