he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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