He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
