I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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