Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
