My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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