In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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