When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
