Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
