It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
