I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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