addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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