i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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