Soap is not a condiment
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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