I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
