Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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