He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
