We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
