Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
worst night to have a conscience
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
