Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
