I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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