Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
