naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
