There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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