his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
