this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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