Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
