So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
