If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
