Where is the hickey?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
