There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
