you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
