If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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