Umm I'm too high to move.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
