i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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