Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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