Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
