Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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