I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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