found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i think my cat just said my name.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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