i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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