i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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