I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
