He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
