after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
