I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
