I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
