Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
